AWOL
by Gender Outlaw
Summary: Naruto is not so sane. [But he hides it well.]
1. o1

_****__A.W.O.L_  
_**a**bscent **w**ith**o**ut **l**eave  
_

synonym, **absonder**:_  
[Mid-16th century. From Latin abscondere "to hide or put away," from condere "to stow." Originally "to hide"; the underlying meaning is of making oneself scarce._

* * *

_show must go on.  
show must go on.  
Inside my heart is breaking  
my make-up may be flaking,  
but my smile  
still stays on. _

**Fredy Mercury**

* * *

_1._

_The neighbors, what will they say?_

_First Anbu dragged Naruto across the ground, holding his arm - though tightly in a pinch-grip - as if he were a disguisting piece of meat that was neither worth brushing against the fabric of his uniform or tainting the earth should he slide unwittingly against it._

_Second Anbu carried the paperwork, shuffling through it quickly to find the lines needed to be signed. He had a pen dancing across the knuckles of his fingers - ready - before the door was even opened._

_The shades were pulled back by a heavy grip - tacky drapping sky-blue curtains that clumped - as someone watched, unconcerned from the shadows of the room. Knowing the skills of the Anbu._

_First Anbu let Naruto go, dropping him on the bare cement doorstep as if his arm would break should he hold on longer. He stared at the small boy - squirming on the dusty step, torn between fleeing and fighting and unsure of the value in either - and could not take a course of action._

_Second Anbu knocked again, an unspoken rule broken by having to do so, and started tapping his teeth irratibly. He waited for several long minutes as First Anbu started recounting the sebon in the pouch on his arm before simply sliding the pack of paper under the door and leaving._

_Oh, what will they say when they finally come home and see this rubbish lining the street?_

_2._

_Naruto used the bed-rail as a rubber band and bounced the boy's head off the solid metal. Who only wailed the harder - tears? anger? - and clutching at his ears tried to ram his face in Naruto's gut._

_The hit took and Naruto stumbled backwards into the Matron and a frying pan across his face. The blood hadn't even left his nose by the time he meet the floor._

_3._

_He was seven months old and crying in his crib._

_Nobody could be surprised by this._

_He had aged to thirteen months and was trying to walk, clutching at the shaking wood of his crib - wobbling with the current of his knees - and pulling himself upright._

_But someone pushed him down. He fell on the floor hard enough to hurt something and started to cry._

_The head nurse slapped her clipboard over the top of his head, not bothering to lower herself to touch his flesh. He shut up immediately, stunned - and in pain, with silent tears still escaping - so she left._

_4._

_He was rising from his knees in the sandy playground of the alleyway, wrestling another boy to the ground._

_Two others tackled him from the side and he hit a broken bottle as they rolled him across the dirt. He grabbed a fistful - the blood seeping through his fingers and flying like sand - and threw it into the eyes of the first. Who screamed and clawed, the blood doing the work of the glass._

_5._

_Naruto hadn't seen sunlight in six days._

_He was locked in the kitchen of a two-room apartment - less 'locked' and more 'forbidden to move' in a place without doors - and standing stock-still. He had to go to the bathroom, but he held it, waiting._

_His foster father had thrown a thick glass bottle empty from beer at him when his feet last inched away from the kitchen tile, and it had barely missed._

_But he was all Naruto had to rely on for food, and not moving promised this. Promised .. satisfaction. Soon the man would fall asleep. Then Naruto would be free to do as he pleased once again._

_He waited._

* * *

Naruto was wearing the Chuunin uniform, and sitting backwards in a hard metal chair, his legs splaying out to either side and rocking from side to side with each of his hums. His chin rested on the top of the seat, himself being of such a height to do so easily without much slouching.

Over the years his hair had brighted to a consistancy that rivaled the very light of the sun, and was currently falling into his eyes again, long over-due for another cut. So he titled his head to the side and rested his cheek across the metal of the seat so as to see the better.

This left him with an odd look - one that suggested slight mania and paranoia. His teeth peeked from beneath that everpresent shit-eatting grin. The shadows covering his eyes like that ..

"They need better light in here." Naruto thought, and such was true.

Three florescent lights worked - that is to say, the bulbs worked, the remaining fixtures sometimes being obedient, but oftentimes prefering to flicker back and rebel with darkness.

The room was yet another leftover department from Kohona's days of war; the intense fueds sometimes causing Shinobi to forgo resting in their homes and remain stationed in the Hokage tower at all times. Always on call, always ready for where they were needed.

"How lovely.." was his sarcastic thought when Naruto noticed that the walls not only came with peeling paint, but also with half-dead termites. As if the minor bugs couldn't even be bothered to finish the job started.

Oh yes. Naruto was wearing the Chuunin uniform, but he had apparently not yet earned the right to accept Chuunin missions, still being assigned to High-Genin level work .. when he was lucky. This sort of stuff usually pissed him off rather well. And it did, actually.

But he had managed to drink enough to create a hangover last night, one that actually lasted well into the late afternoon, and he wasn't in much of a mood to argue for higher ranking missions.

(Up on the highest level of the tower, Tsunade was very thankful for this. She too had a hangover, only it was one that required her face to be planted firmly in her paperwork and remain there. Shizune had given up trying to either help her, or get her mentor to actually work, and was outside the room playing Go Fish with the Anbu guards stationed on the - safer - other side of the door.)

Just to annoy his commander, Naruto closed his eyes and began to snore. **Loudly.**

He couldn't be bothered to remember the guy's name. Afterall, the only times they ever meet face to face were the moments between Naruto receiving his assignments, and turning the required reports back in. Naruto didn't think it was a big deal, really.

He had that much more fun making up names for the man.

His current favorite was 'Squishy'.

The supervisor glared at Naruto's snores, well-aware they were fake, and reached across the desk seperating them to yank several golden hairs out of Naruto's head. Very painfully.

"**Fuck!**" Naruto jerked away and rubbed the sudden sore bald spot on his head. "If you wanted hair to make a freaky voodoo doll, all you had to do was ask, Squishy" he sneered, glaring. Then proceeded to reach in his pants and yank out an amount of hairs from there and throw them at Squishy.

Squishy, predictably, ducked them. Well, actually he batted them away with the missions folder, but he was ducking them in the long-run so it's all the same.

_

* * *

_

_And he was standing in the corner, holding the glass of water so tightly in his hand that cuts were being etched into his palms and the blood .._

The man was still gurgling. Naruto could see him; see the foam rising out of the darkeningly blue mouth, like a wave crashing. He was trying to scream, but couldn't.

* * *

"-maki!" The missions folder slapped against the top of Naruto's skull - heavy for such a light looking thing, and made his eyes spin. Naruto held the top of his skull tighter, dazzed a little, and leaned back farther in his chair. Completely forgetting where the back of it was.

**Crash!**

Squishy started a lecture - slash - rant on attentiveness in the battlefield, and ended up holding his side in laughter as Naruto scrambled around on the floor, falling back down whenever he tried rising and doublely dizzy from the hangover now.

Supervisor-Squishy pointed and laughed until Naruto got bearings enough to grab the edge of the desk with a white knuckled grip - fingers enlongated far sharper than normal - pulling out splinters as he rose.

"Your assignment," the mission folder fell against the desk, throughally abused, "is to find a certain individual. He has been missing for almost twelve years now."

("Then why bother!" Naruto hissed, glaring unconvincingly as he rubbed his skull.)

As if uninterupted, "The last known relative was an Uncle living along the borders of Stone Country. There was an inheritance left," Squishy pulled a wrinkled letter from the middle of the file "but we can't decifer it."

"You need to find this man, find out if he is a threat to Kohona, and confirm the contents of this letter." Squishy slid the paper back in the folder, and tapped it a few times against the desk to make sure everything was straightened inside.

"It may be nothing .." He let the afterthought out, almost not noticing he was speaking this, "but we should make sure. Just in case."

Naruto was silent, his hand beginning to scratch his head as he thought. In a short amount of time, his fingers turned to tapping lightly instead.

_

* * *

_

_And he was digging, digging for all he was worth, digging so hard his nails cracked and splintered. But he didn't notice the pain. Didn't even recognize that there was _blood_._

It was a little hard to see still, but the clouds opened up just enough then to let the moon peek through, and Naruto finally saw where he was. The land was barren and caked as though burnt for miles beneath, and it smelled of blood and something nasty that Naruto couldn't quite make out and he .. and he ..


	2. o2

INTRO:

My reason for writing AWOL - I wanted to make a story where Naruto had committed this devious crime, something nobody would have expected of him. And he has done this secretly, with no one knowing, so he has to live with the threat - and _fear -_ of being found out.

I don't know how close this will end to what I aspire, but here is my attempt.

WARNING:

Not Post-Timeskip Compliant, but then again, I don't think anything of mine is.

* * *

_Oh "It's the madness in his eyes"_  
_As he breaks the night to cry:_

_"It's really Me, really You_  
_And really Me_  
_It's so hard for us to really be_  
_Really You and really Me_  
_You'll lose me though I'm always really free."_

_- Davie Bowie,_ Wild-Eyed Boy From Freecloud.

* * *

Jiraiya has long suspected that Naruto is not quite right in the head. He tends to smile much more than he should, looking almost like an idiot with his cheeks pulled so. And even though Jiraiya never actually sees anything (and he watches closely - sometimes _too _closely, having to make jokes as he hides his unease) there are never any bugs about their camp. (And this is frightenly _wrong._)

Jiraiya would be much more worried normally, but he doesn't actually _see _anything, and he never _hears_ anything, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night and finds Naruto's face through the dying embers of their fire, the boy is **still** smiling. Even in sleep.

This is more bizarre than scary (and Jiraiya has nothing but his unease to go on - a flimsy argument), so what reason would he have to fear a fool like Naruto?

So Jiraiya misses the darkness lighting the corners of Naruto's eyes, misses the way things run from them as they walk. Misses the crushed wings in Naruto's teeth and under his nails.

Naruto is grateful for this. Sometimes it is hard to hide his madness.

* * *

Gai is a chuunin on his way to meet with his teacher and his team, and he walkes with a purposeful air knowing that soon he will be competing in the Jounin exams. His pride in both himself and the pride (he believes) the village places in him will _not _allow him to fail.

So he doesn't see the small boy that almost trips him, and makes his arms flail out mockingly as he tries to keep his feet.

Only when balance has been restored (a brief collection of seconds that greatly disturbs him, as he will be _the best_), can he see the child's face.

It is dirty and covered with blood. The boy's eye is bruised, and though the dirt smeared across his face makes it difficult to tell the difference between what is damaged flesh and what is merely stain, he can clearly see the trauma with his eyes.

There is sweat on the forehead, some still lingering in sticky strands of blonde hair that clump. Gai knows this child, and finds it slightly disturbing to hear that gasping breath as if the child has just been running for his life.

But he was not. He was standing still when Gai tripped over him.

Gai smiles at the one who he knows is named Naruto. (Just like every other nin _knows_ in the frantic after when there _was no_ Kyuubi burning the skies and the sudden calm sent chills down every spine, shinobi or civilian.)

Naruto gapes up at him, his breathes only now just easing ..

But shown this sudden kindness of bright teeth lifting and such face widning, the boy starts off at a frightened pace. His frantic dash around Gai - to escape him - would nearly miss a civilian's eye.

Gai could easily catch him, but that is not the point. Cornering anything already so afraid (as Naruto clearly is, and this pains Gai's heart because why would any child wear such a look on their face?) would do nothing to help.

Gai frowns at this, and makes a note in his mind to relay these events to the Hokage when he next sees him. What kind of a life must Naruto have to be so scared like that? Ah, the poor youth..

This image of Naruto stays with him the rest of the day, until Gai eventually finds himself sitting in Sarutobi's offfice with a struggle to remain still as the Third readies himself and he can think of nothing to say. What words would he use? What was he qualified to say?

With the Hokage watching him, all he can see is that look in Naruto's eyes, Naruto running away, and when he leaves, the only part of the conversation he remembers is being told, gently,

_"It's none of your concern."_

* * *

Naruto slips in through the back door and lets it close quietly behind him, leaning on it with his back and a tense look on his face. He is breathing sharply through his nose as if from a fight or a run. But he is _not _sweating and there are no bruises, torn skin, or ripped clothes about him.

Ibiki is on the other side of the room, looking busy. He has too many files in one hand, and is visibly torn between balancing some more papers in the other or seperating them into the files. He turns around when Naruto enters and immediately turns back to face the wall.

He lets the papers flip through his hands in a solid succession - like a fall of leaves - and focuses his gaze solidly on them.

Naruto knows he is being ignored, but makes his way across the room anyway to stand at Ibiki's side, where he knows the man can see him. His hands in his pockets, he sways a little in boredom and hums a catchy tune.

Ibiki makes no comment on Naruto's entrance, and after several long minutes of swaying and soft hums to break the silence, Naruto gets bored of this too and starts up.

He speaks quickly, his words a rambling rush that makes them seem unprepared. Ibiki grunts once, but Naruto isn't sure if it's aimed at him and can make nothing of it.

* * *

Naruto was digging a grave in the middle of the night in what looked like an open field but had the stench of sweat and blood and rotting remains.

Should anyone find him .. should anyone see the body he dragged across the street, he'd be dead.

He had wrapped his foster father in several sheets until the smell of vomit and the sight of blood was no more. Then he threw him out the open window of their apartment, cringing at the sound the body made landing.

Being almost four, the easier route was down the stairs. So he took it, skipping.

* * *

The light was stretch from the sky in a way that gave a blanket of darkness to the village and made Iruka wonder if the morning was coming or going.

He couldn't say with certainty - he had spent so many hours in a lamp-lit room of the school that he was wary to guess the day.

That last bitter cup of coffee still clung to the back of his throat in a way more reminscent and seen in barnacles.

"I'm worried about him.."


End file.
